That is, if I could find a pill that eased the pain of heartache. I would be a (insert your profane adjective here) millionaire. As I have stated in previous posts, much to my dismay, much to the resistance of my heart and my inner being (heck call it my soul), I have chosen to walk away from the man that I love. Today is no easier. In fact, it is worse. The tears flowed, the anger steeped, the resentments deepened. I know not where it will end up, for the future is none of my business, that is for certain. I am simply stuck here, clinging to nothing---something out of 'The Neverending Story'. This feels like 'The Nothing'--the giant storm that ripped through the land of Fantasia. Well, I guess this was my Fantasia, and he was my Prince (although anyone who knows that story knows that there was no prince). To make my point, I simply wish to convey the void in my heart. Sometimes, you love hard and true and give all that you have and wear your heart on your sleeve and let it all hang out and bear your soul in a fit of vulnerability (GASP)---only to receive crumbs in return. Maybe, he is not capable of loving me....if I were truly honest with myself, maybe he does not love me, not that way. Maybe he is afraid. Whatever the reason, whatever the thoughts in his head and the feelings in his heart---I may never know. I gave it my all, dammit. Isn't that supposed to be good enough?
I'm a pharmacist. With all the remedies that I can market, mix, label, pour, sell and regurgitate fascinating facts on, including but not limited to: physical properties, chemical properties, pharmacokinetics, pharmacologic profile, side effects, interactions and half-life---why do I fail, in all of my education, to find a cure for heartache. If only there were a magic pill. I would take two and call in the morning.
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